No Internet = No Blogging

I moved into my new place a few weeks ago and our WiFi is broke so that's why I haven't posted in a while. Here's what's new...

I've started No-Pooing which is actually going pretty well. They say your hair is greasy for the first 2 weeks and then gets better but I haven't noticed too big of a change yet. The apple sauce does leave little chunks in your hair until it dries which is kinda gross. Other than that, so far so good.

Tomorrow starts the MASTER CLEANSE...we'll see how it goes but I'm very excited. Wish I could blog as I go but it might not happen considering I don't know when my internet will be fixed. Maybe I'll just type out some entries to be posted at a later date.

I've been experimenting with raw pasta and have come up with an AMMMAAZZZINNG recipe to be posted later. (including pictures). Okay, well I think that's just about it for now.

PS. Isn't this picture trippy? It's really old, like maybe 4 years but I like it :)

Raw Beauty

As part of my master cleanse (starting on the 25th) I want to start using simple natural, organic products as well and get those chemicals off my body too. It's more of an experiment than anything. Makeup is going to be the hardest part. Right now I'm using Bare Minerals but I'm thinking about making the switch to Ever day Minerals which is essentially the same thing but just organic. Other than that, here's what I have in mind...

FACE:

-Honey- 30 minute facial mask
- Poppy Seeds- for exfoliating
-Avocado slices- 30 minute under-eye treatment
-Shea Butter- moisturizer
-Aloe- After-sun treatment
-Coconut Oil- eye make-up remover
-Baking Soda- toothpaste

BODY:

-Coconut Oil- as shaving cream & moisturizer
- Aloe- after sun
-Shea Butter- moisturizer for dryer skin (elbows & bottoms of feet)
-Lemon Juice- deodorant

HAIR:

-Apple Cider Vinegar- cleansing wash
- Apple Sauce- conditioner
-Lemon Juice- to lighten it
-Mashed Avocado and Honey- deep conditioner

We'll see how it goes! Can't wait :)

"If you were a seed, well I'd be a pod."

So yesterday was kind of a Debbie Downer blog...not at all untruthful but still. I consider myself a generally positive person and I just hate going to that negative place. I guess it's good though, to process the feelings and whatnot. That post really made me question whether or not I'll be able to share this blog with my friends and family. Maybe there are things they don't need to hear...

Anyways, today I'm pretty freaking excited because A. I move into my new place tomorrow, whooo hoo! Not that sleeping on Mel's floor for 2 weeks wasn't great and all but it's going to be nice to have a CLOSET instead of living out of a pile on the floor and my own kitchen for putting together tasty raw things, yummmies. Nonetheless, I give it about a week till I get lonely and bored and want my little cushion bed on the floor back. Maybe she can come sleep on my floor instead.

B. I have an interview/meeting thing with The Boys & Girls Club on Tuesday which I'm suuuuupppper excited about. It really just seems like an amazing organization, such good experience for what I want to do. I think I'd really enjoy it. Ultimately I'd like to work with the little ones since I want to teach elementary school but teenagers are cool too. Whatever they offer me, I'll take it.

I've been super hungry today which is weird because I haven't been lately. I think it's because I've been jogging in the morning and this morning I didn't. Today I've eaten an ENTIRE cantaloupe (throughout the course of the day, not in one sitting...but still), a smoothie (1/2 a banana, handful of strawberries and some raw wheat germ), a little more wheat germ (a few spoonfuls straight in my mouth and then some mixed up with the cantaloupe slices) and a little arugula, tomato & cucumber salad. Damn...haha, I'm eating myself out of house & home. Ironic since I don't even have a house/home until our lease starts tomorrow at 2. Too bad raw organics are so expensive and I don't have a job. I don't think I can do this for much longer, hopefully B&GC works out. *crosses fingers*

Okay, off to farmers market now :)

PS. I'm listening to the JUNO soundtrack, thus the title of this blog

"The Science of Selling Yourself Short"

So I've been thinking about some of the effects that these years of food and body obsession have had on my life. I've let it limit me for so long and sold myself short in many, many ways. Being so self-conscious and self-loathing has definitely affected my ability to create and maintain relationships. It’s caused anxiety, obsession and caused me to settle for far less than I deserve.

I'm constantly comparing myself to other people in terms of who’s fatter. It disgusts me even to admit to that but it's true, even with my closest friends and family. It's sick. I'm even debating right now if I actually want to admit to that in an open forum but at this point I think I really just need to be 100% honest and open with these thoughts and feelings. It's not any easy thing for me to do since I've been keeping so much of this stuff in for such a long time. This isn't who I want to be.

For the past four years I've essentially been living in a transitional period. “When I loose the weight I’m going to…” But what was I really expecting to be at the end of those ellipses? I’m going to be comfortable with myself? I’m going to start living my life? I’m going to be happy? I don’t know if I’m alone here but it seems to me I’m not. The more conscious I become of how out of whack my own thinking was (/is?), the more I notice that same imbalance in others. Not in a judgmental way, but in an “I’ve been there and I want to help you” kind of way. I want to open up discussion about eating disorders and body image, to help people on the outside understand their loved ones who have suffered and struggled with these issues. I want to help other ED survivors understand themselves. Hell, I want to understand MYself.

I know I need to talk about this stuff in depth with someone. I need to “come out” to my friends and family but that idea still really scares me. First of all, I don’t even know how to bring it up. Secondly, I definitely don’t fit the stereotype of someone with an eating disorder. Not sure if that even makes sense but somehow in my head it does. Like I don’t have the right to claim an eating disorder because I’m not thin enough??? I don’t know. I don’t want them to worry about me, to pay attention to what I eat, to talk about me behind my back, to feel alienated from me, confused by me or think I’m crazy. I think that just about covers it. I don’t know, I just don’t know.

Groceries & Smoothies

Here is a picture of all the wonderful things I got at Chico Natural Foods yesterday. The bad news is, they're not hiring :( but it's always fun to shop there so I still left happy. So far today I've already made two amazing smoothies. The first is a simple blend of spinach and bananas which is a recipe from Green For Life. The second was a mix of 9 little apriums, 1 banana, a tsp of MSM and some agave. Both were super refreshing and satisfying.


Cheers to Ten Fingers!
I didn't use finger bananas this time but that's where this recipe got it's name.



Te presento Aprium-nanna Smoothie



Not Pictured: 2 bananas, 11 oz of coconut water & a heaping, lovin' spoonful of cacao

(To be eaten for dinner)

In other news, I'm planning to start a master cleanse on June 25th which I'm very excited about. There is another member of Give It To Me Raw who wants to start the cleanse on the same day so it will be good to have someone to share the experience with. I believe it's her first time too.

I've been looking at a lot of raw recipes and I want to try so many new things including hummus, chocolate mousse, ice-cream and a sandwich with Love Force bread (which I've yet to try), some type of nut butter, bananas and honey. That would be a take on one of my favorite cooked foods...yum.

After reading Raw Faith's Blog I've been thinking about the idea of "heavy raw foods". When I first started exploring raw foodism just over 6 months ago, my raw diet was very heavy in nuts and seeds. Now I feel like that just weighs me down. I also have a tendency to binge on these dense foods. I'd prefer to fill my diet with light, refreshing, satisfying foods and pretty much cut out nuts and seeds for the most part. I will still throw them in a recipe ocasionally but don't want to make them a focus. I still need my fats and proteins but oils are a good source of fats and I will look into more protein sources. Of course dark leafy greens are great but I need something more concentrated...maybe spirulina.

Daily Raw Inspiration

I subscribe to thegardendiet.com's daily raw inspiration and today's e-mail had what I think is an especially important message. Thought I would share...

"Learning to think positively involves learning to discipline our thoughts. And when we learn to discipline our thoughts, we are not only able to think positively, but we are also able to eat positively! If you can identify a negative thought when it happens, and dismiss it, you are disciplining your mind. We dismiss thoughts all the time unconsciously, - any thought that doesn't make sense. But we can also consciously dismiss thoughts that don't make sense to think because they destroy our mental harmony. And when we develop that habit, we can also dismiss thoughts about eating bad foods. It all starts with the thought! For more details see http://dailyraw.blogspot.com"

Some Fun Raw Products

Though I do try to base my diet on simple, fresh, local, raw, organic food, every once in a while I like to spice things up by buying a raw novelty item. Here are some of my favs:

I've tried many flavors of Larabar but so far this one is the best. Pecan pie use to be one of my favorite desserts and now I have a quick and easy raw replacement!


Love Force makes a line of raw bars & breads. This is the only one I've tried so far and it's so amazing that I just keep buying it and can't bring myself to try another flavor.



Lydia's Berry Good cereal is a great transitional food. You can put it in a bowl with some fresh fruit, bee pollen, shredded coconut or whatever you like then pour some almond milk over the top and it's just like a traditional bowl of cereal (only better and better for you). I don't eat it that often anymore simply because I prefer a lighter breakfast and it's kind of an expensive habit on the college budget but I would definitely recommend it. I've also tried the cinnamon flavor which is okay but not quite as good as this flavor.


I can't quite remember the brand that makes my last two favorites but I will update this when I go to the health food store next.

The first is a brand of raw flax seed crackers. They have the perfect hickory flavorings and I just can't get enough. My roommates and friends who've tried them didn't quite get the same kick as I did so I don't know why I love them so much but I definitely do!

The last is a raw chocolate mousse. I hope to make my own soon but until then this pretty much hits the chocolate craving right over the head. It's great frozen or served with strawberries....yummy!

Okay, now that I'm officially hungry...time to do some grocery shopping :)

Introduction

Hello there, my name is Alicia. I'm a Californian (born and raised), third year college student, future teacher, sister, singer, so-called "hippie chick", friend, daughter, and aunt of 4 beautiful little ones. I'm also a recovering food addict and eating disorder survivor. I hate to define myself that way but that’s basically what this blog is about. I’m trying to recover from a frightening relationship with food that has lasted over 4 years. It started with a diet and when I started cutting too many calories I became physically and emotionally drained. Finally depriving my body led me to binge on highly processed carbohydrates. The guilt brought me to purging. This phase lasted just a few months, until the end of my junior year of hs. I knew I had to snap out of that vicious cycle but could never quite stop binging. I quickly gained back the 30 or so lbs I had lost with my unhealthy method of calorie restriction and have gained about 15 pounds since then. Eating a 100% raw diet is the only way I’ve ever felt at peace with my body and with food. However, for some reason I haven’t been able to commit to this way of eating and occasionally do have an episode of binge eating. I’m still roughly 30 lbs overweight but loosing the extra pounds is not my main focus. My goal is to find health and peace with food. I know that if I find that, my body will find its ideal shape. I will be blogging through my journey to track my progress. I hope to eventually show this blog to my friends and family because they don’t understand raw foodism and don’t know about my history with ED. I’m just trying to get things figured out, I’m still a work in progress.